island paradise

Liz and I just met up with Katie on Koh Tao, a beautiful island in the Gulf of Thailand. We survived Angkor Wat, saw many beautiful deteriorating temples, took lots of Lara Croft-esque photos, and got harassed by many cute begging children. Sadly no Maddie. Yet. More on what we have been up later, but the sun just came out and the internet here is outrageously expensive. I should be on the beach.

househusband

So, I am back in Lopburi (Monkey Town), and I have resumed my duties of househusband. Luckily this mostly entails doing laundry and taking out the garbage. If that is all it takes, and I find the right suitor, it may just be my next career move. In addition, I have taken on a new role as Katie's administrative assistant, or "Admin" as she calls me. In this capacity I help her out with paperwork as she grades her students' oral presentations, which have been fun--lots of singing and dancing, and even a drag show! It has been a fun week, though not nearly so gluttonous as before, except for a huge dinner last with a foul-mouthed but friendly teacher from Katie's school and his family. Sadly, today is Katie's last day teaching. The two things I will miss most are the declarations of love from students of both genders and seeing how well Katie has her students trained. No, they are not well behaved during class, but even better almost any kid who walks by with food knows to offer her a taste. She doesn't even have to resort to saying, "teacher try." It is quite remarkable.

Tomorrow we are leaving Lopburi. Gone will be the days of watching Katie entertain Thailand's youth with her husky voice, playing badminton next to stray dogs eating a dirty diaper, and getting dirty looks from the maids at the hotel because of Katie's questionable moral fiber due to her having a male guest.

Well, I am going to have to keep this post short, as the sounds of fighting games on full volume are about to drive me mad ("Terrorist Defeated!"), but look forward to a special guest blogger who will arrive in Thailand on Monday.

I want a bakers dozen of Maddi

Yes, it is true. Ben and I have officially joined the self-involved world of blogging. Please expect jaw-dropping stories of new street food discoveries, or the regional variations of 7-11 fountain drinks, or detailed meal plans. We will also keep you informed of our increasing body weight. Last week, Ben weighed himself outside of a 7-11 in Pitsanulouk, and discovered that he had gained 2 kilos (translation for non-metric Americans: he got fat) in his first week in Thailand. If this nasty eating habit continues, we both may need to take drastic action and eat only two dinners a night instead of the usual three.

While Ben is participating in (what else?) cooking classes in Chee-ang Ma-i, I am finishing up my career as an English teacher for Thailand's youth. Although I will certainly miss the majority of my students, I can tell you right off the bat the ones that I won't miss: that girl in class 6/23 that is always staring at me with a combined look of horror/disgust/anger/constipation on her face. I won't miss that boy that likes to rub his bare stomach and nipples as he watches me teach. I also won't miss that other boy, the one that thinks he's really good at English, (admittedly, he is) but I just can't stand his overzealous, can-do attitude. He also has horrendously long fingernails. When I was talking to him earlier this week, I asked him why he has such long fingernails, and he said, "I am lazy to cut." Considering the length of those nails, he must have been 'lazy to cut' for the past seven to eight months. In a semi-joking way, I asked if I could cut his fingernails for him. We both looked at each other and laughed. But I was only laughing to make it seem like my fingernail cutting offer wasn't too serious. He was probably laughing out of real feelings of nervousness and fear.

Although I have been teaching for four months, I humiliating only know a handful of my student's names. Thai names are impossible. They normally include four or more syllables, and words like 'porn' or 'titti' or 'rat' or a combination of all three, like "Tittiratporn." Instead of learning my students' names, I have adopted the pointing method. I often point at my student's face with my index finger, and say, 'you' while looking directly at them. If the student doesn't happen to be staring in my direction, because they are either text messaging on their mobile, or sleeping, I will continue to point and say 'you' until they look up. I'm telling you, it works like a charm.

Besides a small number of freaky students, I also won't miss my fellow foreign co-teachers. Never in my life have I been forced to share such intimate living and working quarters with such obnoixous people. There is a dull Canadian couple, who look, behave, and talk so similarly that they could easily be mistaken for an incestuous brother and sister. When they aren't complaining about the humidity, or how stupid their students are, they talk about the price of things, and how expensive their 50 baht (equivalent to U.S. $1) dinner was last night. I try to ignore them as much as possible, but there are moments, like when I need to borrow their iron, that I am forced to speak to them.

And then there is Desmond. Desmond is 62 years old, but he could easily pass for 100. My Thai co-workers call him the "Fried Egg," because he has white stringy hair with a dark, bald circle on the top of his head. He has hundreds of liver spots covering his face, missing teeth on both his top and bottom rows, and sagging eyes. Desmond claims he is a former drama teacher and soap opera director, both in South Africa and Australia. When he isn't confiding to me about his sordid relationship with his 23 year old ladyboy male prostitute, he likes to talk about his future plans on creating a cabaret show here in Monkey Town. In other words, everything that Desmond talks about is either digusting or downright stupid.

Teaching has certainly been an interesting experience here in Monkey Town. It has provided me with great story material, as well as an above-average aversion to Canadians. I will miss most of my students, especially the chubby ones, the ladyboys, and the ones that don't sleep during my classes. Teacher miss, teacher miss.

Chee-ang Ma-i!

After hours of practicing the correct pronunciation of Chiang Mai with Katie, I made it to the city with the name I cannot pronounce. However, that almost sounds as if I can pronounce other words in Thai, which is far from the truth. However, I am getting ahead of myself.

So, backing up over a month ago, after finishing teaching in Japan and some rather emotional goodbyes, I traveled around with my mom for two action packed weeks. This was followed by a little independent travel, or as I like to call it, my A-bomb tour. I went to Hiroshima (which may be the coolest city I have seen in Japan), then to Saga to see Sonya in her new home, and then on to Nagasaki. Before leaving Japan I had a few days of debauchery in Tokyo before flying Air India to Bangkok. The only reason I mention the airline is because before leaving the fact that I was flying it came up in a few conversations, which was invariably greeted with a compassionate expression conveying that the person had enjoyed knowing me and it was a shame that I was going to pass away at such a young age. Yes, I was somewhat frightened by the extra bag inspection and pat-down at the gate, as well as the idea that the plane seemed considerably older than me, but I must say, it was one of the most pleasant flights I have ever had. The food was good (and vegetarian), and the flight attendants were the best. I asked for a beer, and the sweet lady in a sari handed me three. Yes, while you have to pay for booze on most airlines these days, I had to give her one back so as not to look like a complete alcoholic. Also, I made it to Bangkok safe and sound, with both of my bags.

In Bangkok, I checked into the Hotel Atlanta, a very interesting place with a strong anti-sex tourist policy. One thing which is noticeable upon arriving in Thailand is the disgusting number of old unattractive white men with young, cute, extremely bored looking Thai girls and boys. It is really gross. Well, the Atlanta will have nothing to do with that. It is also cheap, has a cool deco lobby, a very old pool which Katie tried to drink (if you were curious, not a good idea), and a great restaurant with a menu featuring footnotes--annotations get me hot. My second day in Bangkok Katie was able to tear herself away from the education of Thailand's youth, resulting in a joyful reunion after two years. This consisted of lots of laughing and hugging. It was so nice to finally see her again, and we picked off right where we left off. Katie's friend Catherine also came down, which was lots of fun. I had a great birthday weekend in Bangkok. Katie took me out for an amazing meal at a Thai-style Chinese Seafood restaurant. I was immediately impressed by the photos of Koizumi dining there, and then wowed by the food, particularly curried crab dish. I never knew crab could be so fluffy or delicious.

After a weekend of eating and shopping, with a few short breaks for movies, Katie and I headed back to Lopburi (aka "Monkey Town") where I became her househusband, performing domestic tasks such as doing the laundry and taking out the garbage. I also visited the school where Katie is teaching. In some ways, it is not so different from Japanese schools. The kids are all in uniforms (though the girls wear much, much longer skirts), the classes are big, etc. However, there are some major differences. For one thing, Thai schools are much more outdoors--hallways are on the outside of the buildings, all the windows and doors are open, and students hang out outside between (or during?) classes. Also, the cafeteria is awesome. I will will have to figure out how to upload some photos (Liz--add a thing to get photos off of my camera to the list). It is kind of like a bunch of streets food stands together in a covered area, each selling different foods. You can get a bowl of noodles for about 25 cents, or fresh fruit, curries, and other Thai delights. There are stray dogs wandering around (like everywhere in Thailand). In terms of English teaching, it is vastly different. Katie's classes span a huge range of abilities, but for the most part, they really can speak English. Some of them even speak good Japanese. I was blown away. They are not shy about speaking English. They try. I love it. This can also be somewhat of a problem, since it carries over into the classes being pretty loud and unruly at times ("like a bunch of retarted baby monkeys with fleas," to quote the venerable Mariane Schaum). I certainly loved teaching Japanese high school kids, but working with Thai kids seems like lots of fun, but certainly more tiring. Another fun thing about Katie's school was getting an hour long Thai massage for about $2.50. It was certainly an experience, and not quite what I am used to in the states. Thai massage involves lots of poking pinching and pulling, having a woman step on you and poke you in some private regions, and a bit of pain. That said, afterward I felt like gumby and a lot of my knots were gone.

Along the lines of pinching, I think I have a new tourist slogan for Thailand. Their current one is "Amazing Thailand," which really doesn't do anything for me. "Malaysia truly Asia" is much better--the commercials on the BBC have made me want to go there for the last two years. If you are lucky, one day I may sing it for you. Ask Leona, it is amazing. Anyway, I think they should change it to "Thailand, the land of titty-twisters," or something along those lines. b It would certainly be more me morale, particularly if the paid me to sing it. Katie and I just about died in a grocery store when a cute little boy knocked something over and instead of a spanking or yelling at him, his mother, you guessed it, gave him a tittie-twister. Then, the other night, I was at a bar with Katie's friend Tamara, and another cute little boy, maybe ten years old, came by selling gum. He did the standard high-five fake, but ended up giving me not one, but two tittie-twisters. It was quite an evening.

So, now Katie is back down in Lopburi working, I am in Chiang Mai continuing my steady consumption of foods (in restaurants, on the street, in 7-11, I am equal opportunity). I am also doing a cooking course, which has been lots of fun. It is very fast-paced, the teachers are really funny yet professional, and the best part is that you get to eat what you cook (and it is hard to screw up with all the help they give you). I just hope that I will be able to replicate the foods when I am back in the states, which will be a little more challenging when I won't have all the ingredients washed and laid out for me at a station. We shall see. Back for more tomorrow. I have also been enjoying hanging out with Katie's friend Tamara, who taught with her for a while in monkey town, and her friends, as well as chatting with (or rolling my eyes at) other backpackers at my guesthouse. No worries, I am confident that descriptions of/rants about backpackers will be forthcoming.

Whew, that was a long first post! -Ben

Yokoso!

Welcome to our new blog! Katie and I have decided that the world is now ready to read about our adventures as we travel throughout Southeast Asia. Since we are far from the queens of advanced planning, I can make no promises as to what this blog will have in store for you. However, knowing us it is sure to enchant you with stories about food, people we meet on the road, what we are eating, flatulence, amazing meals, and possibly even a few pithy cultural insights (i.e. Katie complaining about Canadians). Stay tuned....