I want a bakers dozen of Maddi
Yes, it is true. Ben and I have officially joined the self-involved world of blogging. Please expect jaw-dropping stories of new street food discoveries, or the regional variations of 7-11 fountain drinks, or detailed meal plans. We will also keep you informed of our increasing body weight. Last week, Ben weighed himself outside of a 7-11 in Pitsanulouk, and discovered that he had gained 2 kilos (translation for non-metric Americans: he got fat) in his first week in Thailand. If this nasty eating habit continues, we both may need to take drastic action and eat only two dinners a night instead of the usual three.
While Ben is participating in (what else?) cooking classes in Chee-ang Ma-i, I am finishing up my career as an English teacher for Thailand's youth. Although I will certainly miss the majority of my students, I can tell you right off the bat the ones that I won't miss: that girl in class 6/23 that is always staring at me with a combined look of horror/disgust/anger/constipation on her face. I won't miss that boy that likes to rub his bare stomach and nipples as he watches me teach. I also won't miss that other boy, the one that thinks he's really good at English, (admittedly, he is) but I just can't stand his overzealous, can-do attitude. He also has horrendously long fingernails. When I was talking to him earlier this week, I asked him why he has such long fingernails, and he said, "I am lazy to cut." Considering the length of those nails, he must have been 'lazy to cut' for the past seven to eight months. In a semi-joking way, I asked if I could cut his fingernails for him. We both looked at each other and laughed. But I was only laughing to make it seem like my fingernail cutting offer wasn't too serious. He was probably laughing out of real feelings of nervousness and fear.
And then there is Desmond. Desmond is 62 years old, but he could easily pass for 100. My Thai co-workers call him the "Fried Egg," because he has white stringy hair with a dark, bald circle on the top of his head. He has hundreds of liver spots covering his face, missing teeth on both his top and bottom rows, and sagging eyes. Desmond claims he is a former drama teacher and soap opera director, both in South Africa and Australia. When he isn't confiding to me about his sordid relationship with his 23 year old ladyboy male prostitute, he likes to talk about his future plans on creating a cabaret show here in Monkey Town. In other words, everything that Desmond talks about is either digusting or downright stupid.
Teaching has certainly been an interesting experience here in Monkey Town. It has provided me with great story material, as well as an above-average aversion to Canadians. I will miss most of my students, especially the chubby ones, the ladyboys, and the ones that don't sleep during my classes. Teacher miss, teacher miss.
While Ben is participating in (what else?) cooking classes in Chee-ang Ma-i, I am finishing up my career as an English teacher for Thailand's youth. Although I will certainly miss the majority of my students, I can tell you right off the bat the ones that I won't miss: that girl in class 6/23 that is always staring at me with a combined look of horror/disgust/anger/constipation on her face. I won't miss that boy that likes to rub his bare stomach and nipples as he watches me teach. I also won't miss that other boy, the one that thinks he's really good at English, (admittedly, he is) but I just can't stand his overzealous, can-do attitude. He also has horrendously long fingernails. When I was talking to him earlier this week, I asked him why he has such long fingernails, and he said, "I am lazy to cut." Considering the length of those nails, he must have been 'lazy to cut' for the past seven to eight months. In a semi-joking way, I asked if I could cut his fingernails for him. We both looked at each other and laughed. But I was only laughing to make it seem like my fingernail cutting offer wasn't too serious. He was probably laughing out of real feelings of nervousness and fear.
Although I have been teaching for four months, I humiliating only know a handful of my student's names. Thai names are impossible. They normally include four or more syllables, and words like 'porn' or 'titti' or 'rat' or a combination of all three, like "Tittiratporn." Instead of learning my students' names, I have adopted the pointing method. I often point at my student's face with my index finger, and say, 'you' while looking directly at them. If the student doesn't happen to be staring in my direction, because they are either text messaging on their mobile, or sleeping, I will continue to point and say 'you' until they look up. I'm telling you, it works like a charm.
Besides a small number of freaky students, I also won't miss my fellow foreign co-teachers. Never in my life have I been forced to share such intimate living and working quarters with such obnoixous people. There is a dull Canadian couple, who look, behave, and talk so similarly that they could easily be mistaken for an incestuous brother and sister. When they aren't complaining about the humidity, or how stupid their students are, they talk about the price of things, and how expensive their 50 baht (equivalent to U.S. $1) dinner was last night. I try to ignore them as much as possible, but there are moments, like when I need to borrow their iron, that I am forced to speak to them.And then there is Desmond. Desmond is 62 years old, but he could easily pass for 100. My Thai co-workers call him the "Fried Egg," because he has white stringy hair with a dark, bald circle on the top of his head. He has hundreds of liver spots covering his face, missing teeth on both his top and bottom rows, and sagging eyes. Desmond claims he is a former drama teacher and soap opera director, both in South Africa and Australia. When he isn't confiding to me about his sordid relationship with his 23 year old ladyboy male prostitute, he likes to talk about his future plans on creating a cabaret show here in Monkey Town. In other words, everything that Desmond talks about is either digusting or downright stupid.
Teaching has certainly been an interesting experience here in Monkey Town. It has provided me with great story material, as well as an above-average aversion to Canadians. I will miss most of my students, especially the chubby ones, the ladyboys, and the ones that don't sleep during my classes. Teacher miss, teacher miss.
5 Comments:
You two are so funny! I love it! This is so much better than telegram-style emails of food and location. Ben that curry crab sounds gooooooood.
I will try my damndest to be a faithful reader
Love,
Lizzie
By
Anonymous, at 9/09/2005 9:27 PM
....finding Maddox, is that your SE Asian varient of Finding Nemo? Very funny. It sounds like a great country, its no wonder your compatriate Angelina JL "fell in love" with the place...and people:)
Katie-I really enjoy reading about your adventures and miss you a lot!
Katie (Nelson) and little Josue
By
Anonymous, at 9/10/2005 3:21 AM
katie, your description of wanting to cut that boy's fingernails made me laugh so hard i cried. i remember you in college cutting people's fingernails down to the quick, and they would be in pain. you were gleeful about it.
i'm so jealous of your world travel, so i'll travel vicariously through you guys.
please come back to the states soon, though :( i miss you!
love,
catherine
By
Anonymous, at 9/12/2005 9:15 AM
WHEN ARE YOU COMING HOME?
and two kilos doesnt make anyone fat, let alone ben.
By
Anonymous, at 9/14/2005 10:02 PM
More posts please!
You two don't realize how much pleasure your posts bring me and what an integral role they play in my web surfing adventures. I am sitting at my desk working diligently to set a new record of hours spent visiting non-work related websites- I need your help! There are only so many versions of my horoscope I can read!
xoxo Annie
By
Anonymous, at 11/09/2005 5:03 AM
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